DeltaWooloo's tutorials of trickery 2: Da Super Mega Hyper Ultimate Smashing Hit Sequel (ft. ur mom)

Around this time last year, I made a batch of dru—I mean tutorials that set this community on fire. People have smashed their ROM hacks into oblivion by creating cult classics that no one has even sought to make in their entire lives. Some of you are jealous, and some of you have skill issues. I noted that and ensured whatever I made next would be the pinnacle. It seems like the timing is right.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE SEQUEL THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR: DeltaWooloo's tutorials of trickery 2: Da Super Mega Hyper Ultimate Smashing Hit Sequel (ft. ur mom)

That's right, dingus. We are back to make sure everyone, and I mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON who reads this thread, will learn everything. If you think you'll know jack from what I'm about to feast your eyes into, git gud m8.

Before we start, once again, all my research was primarily thanks to the folks who used to work at STI, the ones you idolize as your favourite ROM hacker and the majority of MIT students who took the diligence and care in getting my tutorials written up just for all of you to uhhh.... learn or so I think that is. I also brought in Billy Mitchell, the world video game champion. Do you remember him? He helped me ensure that speedrunners would also benefit from these guides. I'm sure he wanted me to put the extra hard work into making sure any ROM hacks that took note of my guide wouldn't make speedrunners use an emulator to break records than playing the actual game on real hardware. Nah, it's all good.

Anyway, enough waffling from me. Sit the fuck up, hold your piss and shit together and experience the world of pure ultimate mega-achieving super-shitty tutorials. Just click below to access the tutorials.

Spoiler: LET'S GOOOOO

Promise you'll credit me too?

Spoiler: Yeah

You sure

Spoiler: Maybe

What do you mean?

Spoiler: I dunno if I'll like it

Too bad, chum. You're gonna read through it, and you're gonna like it!

Spoiler: Fine. I suppose I can take a glance.

That's the spirit. Before I proceed, you know there may be side effects when following these guides. Do so at your own risk.

Spoiler: If I'm closer to death, may as well reach it now!

That's the spirit.

Here are the tutorials. I'll be writing your will while you take a look at them.
Tutorial 1: How do I port tails to Sonic 1?

Spoiler: Click me!

Fuck porting stuff. Let's do it my way.

1) Go and find an animal with a Tail
2) Ask the animal politely to borrow a tail
3) Aquire the tail
4) Grab your Sonic 1 cartridge
5) Stick the tail into the Mega Drive cartridge slot then insert your Sonic 1 cartridge

BOOM! EXTRA CHARACTER UNLOCKED! You didn't need to spend forever ripping code and stuff.

Tutorial 20: How do I make a Sonic 4 ROM hack?

Spoiler: Click me!

Adding the homing attack and using Sonic 4 music is a Sonic 4 hack to me. Just do that, ya lazy ass :V

Alright, OK, here's the Megamix homing attack code:

Spoiler: Code:

Remember kids, Downloading Often Is Terrible. Share this acronym amongst your peers: "D.O.I.T"

Tutorial 3: I failed to win the SHC. How do I win again?

Spoiler: Click Me!

If you even see me as a judge, talk to and negotiate with me, and I'll find a way to mention your hack.

You'll have to do some side quests. Let me list them out for you:
- get all P ranks in Pizza Tower
- tell me how to complete Elden Ring without taking damage
- write an essay as to why Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is the best Nintendo RPG game
- get me to contribute to your ROM hack
- make fast food your diet for the week (go to McDonald's and it'll be half a week)
- convince me to eat a bunch of live rats
- make a cover of Rizzler - Jelly House, then publish it on YouTube

You do all that, then I got ya back, fam.

Tutorial 4: How do I get my mom to make a Sonic ROM hack?

Spoiler: Click me!

Alright, follow these 5 steps:

1) tell her coding is the definitive chores
2) tell her that obtaining code from others is like buying clothes that aren't from some dodgy pawn shop
3) Make sure she spends a lot of time making that ROM hack. That means you have to get up, lazy bum, and do the house chores.
4) applaud her in her progress. She may not be perfect, but at least she's doing miles better than where she started
5) tell her to publish it here, Retro, YouTube, whatever. The power of mom is right across the web (p.s. get her to post it on facebook while you're at it and please tell her to add this image to get the attention of other gaming moms around the world)

Spoiler: this is the image

Congrats! She's making better hacks than you! People now care about her more than you. Congrats! You suck now! You should be proud of that.

Tutorial 5: SSRG isn't helping me make a good ROM hack. Where else do I go?

Spoiler: Click me!

Have you heard of asm2segagenesis? This website provides high-quality code made by the extraordinary talents of users who combine to create fine art that all the boomers sought to make one day. Do you want to make a hack better than Sonic 1 Definitive? Better than Hellfire Saga? Better than Superstar—I'll just retract that sentence.

This is the website for you. Don't just sit around. Make an account! Join in! Have fun! Your ROM hacks will go from an asset pack showcase to a iconic piece of specimum to be preserved by the finest of gamers.

Tutorial 7: How do I get Classic Sonic in my hack?

Spoiler: Click me!

Tf you mean, homie? He is in your ROM hack, but don't you mean Santiag-


well, we're fucked. sorry for spitting facts.

Tutorial 8:

Spoiler: Click me!

Tutorial 9: What is love? How do I find it?

Spoiler: Click me!

If you're a virgin, this is the tutorial for you. Strap up cos things are gonna be serious of seriousness:

1) Switch off your computer. (and 50% of my audience left my tutorial. Isn't that nice?)
2) Go outside (this is hard, I know, don't leave just ye- 10% of you left )
3) Look for one. (oh everyone came back, neat. Looks like you're still interested in not feeling alone)

If you found one, here's what you should do when you meet your loved one.

4) Do not mention ROM hacking. They don't like geeks and will slowly consider dumping you (I couldn't debug why I got dumped, but it must be a nasty bug that I couldn't fix. Wait, don't leave, I can change your mind!)
5) Don't try any stupid pickup line. Just talk to them like you would anyone. (and there's only one person left in the audience who can make a good pickup line)
6) Download TikTok and act like you with the times (yeah, I quit. I'm not downloading such a sad, poor excuse of an app)
7) For people like Delta who hate TikTok, take them for dinner and possibly a trip around town during sunset (almost everyone left. Is it not hard to get to know someone the right way)
8) Don't think about Discord or Reddit. (is everyone just leaving? Do you people have a life besides the internet >=U)
9) Agree on everything they're saying and act like you agree (see, you're getting the hang of normal communication, just don't waffle back to them, m'kay)
10) If you give up, act like an NPC. They will still love you for listening to them. Ain't that sweet? (now everyone left, welp i give up lol)

If everything turns out well, then I congratulate you. You went from virgin to sigma!

Tutorial 10: Delta, I don't think my guides are helping you. Is there anything you can do?

Spoiler: Click me!

You have shown me that you give up too quickly. I don't help those who are like that.

I have no other choice but to transfer you here:


I hope you get the education you deserve.

24

Spoiler: Nah

You wanna go back and make the right choice?

Spoiler: I'm sorry

Your apologies don't mean anything. Go back and pick the right choice.

Spoiler: Fuck you, Delta

Uh huh, expect a knock at your door within the next 24 hours.

Let me know what you'll release next so I can copy you and make a better ROM hack. I wanna look cool with the cool kids with my beta remake number 199201010204

31

Once again, hopefully, my tutorials made your ROM hack into a game that's better than the Noise update for Pizza Tower. Hopefully, you win first place in this year's SHC and profit from it before anyone on Etsy beats you first. If what I said helped you, please comment and like this post. And those just viewing the thread, you better like this post, too. Don't worry. If you like it, I won't be tracking down your IP address and comment here. Or will I?

See you next year for more tutorials. If you want your will, let me know.

Also, there is a number hunt: You must find different-coloured numbers scattered across the thread. I know it makes up for a date for something I'll release, but that's for you to figure it out yourself!

 

Revolutionary, I'll make sure to use this for extra realistic grapics!! One thing uh trying to port tails after applying the tail the cartridge flied!!! I want a refund!!!

 

2 5 24 31 (The numbers I found in the guide)

 

I'm not adding the homing attack

 

Nice tutorial! 10/10

 

Now my mom made Sonic 1 Tokyo Toy Show #503403 Definitive (tm), got world acclaimed, declared world peace and i still suck... refund pls ):

 

My existence is a contradiction to tutorial #9. I've gotten pussy and made my girl cum because I am da best in da ROM hax shiznit. Y'all just got skill issues and need to git gud.

Spoiler: proof

Spoiler: (actually risque/nsfw-ish, albeit censored. proceed with caution!!)

 

Wheres touch grass part 2 i need it pls my hack is laggin

 

Don't accept them, you got what you needed.

Step 1) Do this:

Spoiler: Click me

If you're addicted to this site, then you have problems.

Step 2) Smash your computer. Who needs that piece of junk anyhow?

Step 3) go outside

Step 4) find a grass patch and dig a hole

Step 5) put your head in it and cover yourself up with soil.

Tada! You will always be under grass, no matter what. Hope it helps!